Rights of Children upon Parents: Tips on Successful Parenting

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Abdikadir Ibrahim
7/28/2014

Children are the ways and means, in which God has decreed for human to continue life on this world. They are blessings from God, perhaps, one of the greatest blessings that God has given to human beings. In this life, they are our sources of energy that help us move in the morning, in the afternoon, during the day, and during the night; they give us endurance and patience to carry on our lives. Unlike other jobs, parenting is the only job that does not have a break throughout the year. Yet, it is one of the most rewarding jobs that one can have— as children bring and produce joy and excitement to our daily lives. They add meaning and purpose to our lives and help us to be conscious and grateful to our Creator. With all the enjoyments and happiness they bring into our lives, they also come with responsibility as they entrusted to us from God. If we fulfill the trust accordingly, then our children will become continues charity for us even after we have departed from this world- this means our righteous children will supplicate for us. In order for us to get our rights from our children, we need to fulfill our obligations towards our children first. The following are some of their basic rights, which if we fulfill, will reciprocate our rights later.

Before They Born
Tarbiya, which means the right upbringing of children starts finding the right spouse. For both sides, finding a good father or mother for our child will be the first step. Subsequently, the married couple need to establish and build the foundation for the new family with hallal, the permissible provision. The couple needs to set guiding habits for the family, such as regular and routine supplications, remembrances, and activities. It would be an ideal to take pre-marriage courses to get a glimpse of the change that is on their way. The life of one opinion and freedom is a past now. They have to learn how to compromise and be patient with one another. They should have a deep discussion of what defines their family and overall what kind of family they want to become. They should prepare and get ready for any additions (children) to the family. If God blesses them with pregnancy, the mother should avoid drugs, cigarettes, alcohols as they are harmful to the unborn child as well as to the mother- the father should avoid these substances as well. The father should help the mother to ease the hardship of pregnancy in general, and avoid anything that brings stress to her. During the pregnancy, the mother should provide good words or Qur’anic recitations for the unborn to listen as he or she hears the outside voices and activities. Summarized points:
• Right to Clear Lineage
• Right to Legitimate Birth through Wedlock
• Right to Life- no abortion

Birth and Afterwards
Labor is hard and painful, thus, if circumstance permits, the father should be available to comfort the mother during her labor and to recite the prayer call and supplications to the new baby as soon as she or he arrives. The right name is important, for it will be part of the newborn’s identity, so the parents should discuss the name and give a meaningful name to their child. With all the hardship of pregnancy and labor, in which the mother bears most of it, parents should aware that the most difficult job of all has just started after the newborn arrives. Thus, parents should prepare and get ready for the next couple of months’ sleepless nights. These coming months are the most important times for the newborn as well. The best nutrition at this time is breastfeeding.
Summarized points:
• Adhan and Iqamah-making a prayer call into the ears of the newborn upon arrival
• Tahneq- to put a piece of softened date or other available sweet fruit in the mouth of the newborn baby
• Aqeqah- sacrifice and commemoration made for the baby about 7th day from the child’s birth
• Shave the hair- give charity equivalent to the weight of the child’s hair to the poor
• Naming- Choose a good and meaningful name for the new baby
• Nursing- Breastfeeding is the best nutrition
• Circumcision- circumcise the male child

Tarbiya (right upbringing)
The word “Tarbiya” is an Arabic word that linguistically means increase and/or growth. It is a process of developing children physically, socially, spiritually, educationally, mentally, intellectually, morally and emotionally to become useful and helpful to themselves and to the society. In order for them to reach that level, parents should know that they are the most important developers, mentors, and first teachers of their children. We need to prepare ourselves, our houses, and our work areas to suit the needs of our children. Here are some areas we need to focus on:

• Feelings: Caring for their emotions and feelings is critical and very important. We need to show them our love, excitement, smile, tenderness, and mercy. We need to involve their lives, trust them, treat them with respect and kindness. We need to praise them, refer to them with good names, encourage them, acknowledge their jealousy and frustrations, consult them and ask for their viewpoints. We need to avoid humiliation and never belittle them. We need to let them know that they are more important than the work and make them feel it.

• Health: This not only involves immunizations and medical check-ups, but includes a boarder aspect such as their nutrition, sleeping, and exercising. In order to grow a healthy body, which is a prerequisite to a healthy mind and a balanced life, we need to focus on their health as a package both physically and psychologically.

• Discipline: Discipline teaches and trains in order to develop a good personal character. Discipline is not a punishment of any kind (physical, verbal or mental). We need to set rules and orders in our houses, explain and teach our children the rules, its consequence, and most importantly, we need to let them participate in making the rules, so that they take responsibility early on in age. To implement the rules, we need to start with ourselves and establish for them basis rules; give them simple and clear directions; and give them responsibility. We need to be careful to not spoil them, bribe them, practice extravagance, and unnecessary luxury life styles. We need to avoid harsh discipline, and be consistent about our consequences and rewards.

• Education: We need to be good teachers, who nurture the minds of the children, not just passing information. We want to teach them at home and not assume that school covers everything. We need to have study and play times. We need to enroll them in extracurricular classes, encourage reading, writing, visiting the library, zoo, and museums with them. We need to teach our children creativity and self-sufficient habits, good character, and manners. We want to prevent and teach our children about bad character and behavior. We want them to grow up learned and know how to live as good human beings in all aspects of their lives. We need to enlighten them with education in natural sciences, differences in all aspects of systems, and prepare them for the challenges of life. We need to expose and provide them different materials and formats of learning (video, book, arts, crafts, creativities, etc.) We want to take them with us, when we go to the masjid and other gathering places as this will ease the anxiety and help to reinforce their learning process.

• Exemplary & Role Model: We need to practice what we preach. We need to show behavior and character by displaying it from our actions. We need to review constantly how we spend our time, use good language, be good to our spouse, avoid and prevent all vice talks, actions, and thoughts. We need to work together as parents, control our temper, and organize our house to equally accommodate between us and our children. We need to be fair and just among our children.

• Engagement and Socializing: We need to engage and socialize with our children, communicate, exchange ideas, be good listeners to both our children, and our spouse. We need to go out as a family, pray together, be friends with our children and be involved in their lives, schools and other activities. We need to develop health communication and relationship with our children.

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One Response to “Rights of Children upon Parents: Tips on Successful Parenting”

  1. absolutely right and its due to lack of communication between the child and the parent that effects the child’s live and how they act or behave towards the environment they are in………..thank for the update!

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